a tribute to "khalid"

i have been in a reminiscing state of mind recently, savouring and reflecting on the good times and bad times in the distant, and at times, the not-so-distant past...

standing at where i am and looking back down at the footsteps i've left behind, every footstep - deep or shallow - tells a story; of different stages of my life, different people i've met, and more importantly, how these people have created an impact, in one way or another, in my life.

one particular person that left quite an impression on me and my life, more so than ever now, would be this man by the name of J. Necola Caesar II, better known as "khalid".

"khalid" was my first saxophone tutor when i picked it up at the age of 13. 8 years down the road, playing and teaching as a career myself now, his favourite little quotes still echo in my head from time to time. as a professional jazz saxophonist performing for over 30 years himself, he was more than just a tutor to me; he was a friend, a great buddy who never thought twice about giving invaluable advice to growing musicians like myself.

being primarily a classical saxophonist for almost all of my career so far, i never really thought jazz would ever become such an integral part in my life. at a tender age as a musician, i was indoctrinated with the mindset that "jazz is not the way to go"; the system taught me to read little dots and dashes off a piece of paper, to emphasise on 1 and 3 (apologies to non-musicians reading this), to follow.

now music was never such a "feel" thing until khalid came along with his good ol' 1948 selmer paris balanced action and his bebop, latin and swing riffs and licks. he would always tell us to play whatever we felt like, setting the "boundaries" and "rules" to only as far as the chord changes. now THAT was not what the system preached. his bright and cheerful tone was a "no-no" for the group, the music i was playing.

the artistes i'm listening to right now - dave koz, gerald albright, david sanborn, eric marienthal, kenny g - were once familiar names; they were people that khalid had recommended me to listen to, but these were also the very names i've erased from this musical journey i've embarked on for way too long, because those styles and sounds were not what the system embraced.

so, for 6 years or so, i chose to bury his sound, his style, his spirit in a deep and forgotten part of my memories - so much so i almost forgot about the mere existence of this great man. i chose to play within my comfort zone; within this tiny little circle. so, just as any other angsty teenage musician (which i was back then) would think, i thought i was a fantastic player; my ego grew and music became no different from academics to me. it was about producing results, about medals and achievements.

for a few years i didn't enjoy playing at all; practicing became a chore (it still is sometimes now =x) and on 15 May 2006, khalid passed away. the news didn't hit me as hard as i'd expected until quite some time later. i was practicing one particular afternoon back in junior college and it suddenly dawned upon me how much khalid had moulded me into the musician i am. at that moment tears welled my eyes.

today, i feel that i'm in a better position - more so than at any point in my life so far - to write about this; i listen to a wider range of artistes, play a wider range of genres, i'm exposed to things i've never seen my entire performing career. i'm still learning though, from artistes' recordings, from my mates in the big band and many other people here and there. or should i just say, the stuff that khalid played and listened to has became such an important part of my life. this is the point of time in my life i think about khalid, about how he talked about jazz, about ideas, about improvisation, about licks; his sound and little wise quotes ever so deeply etched in my head.

it's also now that i regret not listening, not accepting new ideas and shutting myself out from jazz and commercial playing when i was much younger. in retrospect, it was such a great blessing to have a mentor like khalid; with him in the room, music never seemed half as boring as sheets of paper lying on my music stand.

regret, however, is just a passing phase. with God's grace, i'm here where i am now, with a great bunch of guys around me, with so much more for me to learn.

khalid was not so much of a music teacher to me, if you would look at it. he never really taught me for a long long time. it was more of his spirit that infected not only me but everyone else around him. i believe his flame of passion will continue to burn in the hearts of many.

"You can't expect your horn to start playing if you leave it in your case! You gotta pick it up and start practicing!"

"No one sounds cool from the start, I started out sounding funny. You just gotta keep on trying and playing."

"A loud mistake is always better than a soft correct note."

"fluff fluff fluff...." (When we play like a buncha weaklings)

"Mister drummer! You gotta keep that hi-hat on 2 and 4 going man! You're the heartbeat of the band!"

"I played with Kenny G once, and that guy just can't stop playing!"

In loving memory of Khalid Caesar,

departed peacefully on 16th May 2006 at the age of 52

all young and budding musicians out there, never be satisfied with what you think you know, open your minds and you will see so much more.

music is not about the notes you play, it's about feeling every single line, enjoying every single sound, whichever genre, whatever style. i'm enjoying it, are you?